


If I Could Turn Back Time

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-08 19:24:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1953159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel returns and offers Dean one hell of a deal. He'll take him back in time before Sam was murdered and before he sold his soul. Dean will be able to avoid the apocalypse, the falling of the angels, and that one time when he became a demon and almost killed everyone he loved. Seem like a perfect plan until he comes into the new world and realizes Cas is no longer in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Could Turn Back Time

"Well, I'd say it's nice to see you again, but I'd be lying." Dean sassed, crossing his arms.

"Aww Dean-o! Don't be like that!" Gabriel insisted with a smile. "I stood up to Lucifer. I did like you ask me too. I guess my long lost daddy decided I was worth bringing back."

Dean rolled his eyes, turning back to his whiskey as if he didn't have a care in the world. "Awesome. Glad you could stop by."

Gabriel, of course, did not poof away. "Dearest Castiel tells me I have missed some juicy moments. All my brothers and sisters fell, he was briefly human, oh and you're a demon."

"Was." Dean corrected quickly.

"Hmm, oh yeah! That's right! You broke Sam's ribs, his arms, his face...Pretty much every bone in his body. Then you turned on pour, innocent Castiel. Not much left when you were done, huh? I guess just enough for him to save your sorry behind. Have you talked to them lately?"

When Dean didn't answer Gabriel smiled widely, pulling a piece of candy out of his pocket. "Guess not. It's been almost a year now, hasn't it? You ever gonna return or -"

"Why the fuck do you care?" Dean snapped, his skin flushed with anger. "Why are you even here?"

Gabriel smiled again. "I can help you fix it. All of it."

"Get the fuck out of my hotel, will you?" the eldest Winchester shot back, filling his whiskey glass.

"I am one hundred percent serious, Dean. I can take you back right before Sam was killed the first time. You save his gigantic ass, never go to hell or break the first seal, and the apocalypse never happens. Meeeeaning, Metatron stays in his library hidden away with his stories and you my friend, never become a demon."

Dean refused to let any hope bubble in his stomach. "Why would you help me?"

"You know what it's like to be stuck on Earth with the people you ran away from? It's Hell! No, actually it's Heaven. It's absolutely horrible." Gabriel insisted. "And since you messed it up. You need to fix it!"

Dean stood up, trying not to focus on the way the room spun around. He knew his liver had to be ready to tap out especially after this last year of binge drinking, but the burn of whiskey was the only thing able to get him through the days. "If you're serious, I'll do it."

Gabriel walked forward, placing a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Good. Let's get started then."

There they were in Cold Oak, South Dakota. The town was deserted and beaten down, and if Dean was being honest, this place creeped him out on a totally different level. It was like Deja Vu but 100 times worse. Sam had died here. Tons of people had died here. 

"Well, if memory serves they were in this cabin." Dean began, but Gabriel was shaking his head. 

"There he is." Gabriel said suddenly serious, pointing to the tall black man. 

Dean felt a fire dancing around in his belly. "That bastard. Hey! Jake!"

Gabriel shook his head. "Yeah, that seems like the best plan. Let's just run up to the murderer with super strength, and hope he's in a good mood."

Dean ignored him and walked straight to Jake, who turned in surprise. "Hey, who are you? Are you one of us too?"

Dean didn't answer as he pulled out his gun and let off three bullets into Jake. A noise from the near by cabin told him he had alerted Sam. Gabriel appeared by his side. "You ready to go back to your time and live your care free life?"

Dean laughed hoarsely. "My life is many things. Care free definitely aint one of them."

Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows. "Care to make a wager on that?" 

He then grabbed Dean's shoulder and after a rush of wind, he found himself standing in the bunker. He blinked several times, still feeling quite disoriented. Gabriel was nowhere in sight but he wasn't alone. On the couch lay Sam, sprawled out and snoozing. His face was peaceful, something Dean was not accustomed to seeing especially when he was in dream world with all the memories of hell fire and dead loved ones. He decided to do a little tour of the bunker to see if anything had changed. He checked Sam's room first. He was surprised to find the entire thing decorated with pictures and posters. Apparently this Sam had no problem moving in.

"Dean?" 

He turned to see Sam staring at him with a confused expression. "Hey, buddy! Did you sleep well?"

Sam shrugged. "I guess. Why are you in my room?"

Dean couldn't help but grin. He and Sam never had a real chance to argue about rooms and personal possessions like real brothers. It felt good to hear Sam be possessive over something. "Sorry, I was just looking for...a pencil!" Dean said suddenly, snatching one off Sam's desk. 

"A pencil?" Sam asked in disbelief.

"Why not?" Dean said with a shrug. "Anyway, I bumped my head early. Feeling a little out of it. Mind telling me what's been going on with us?"

Sam cocked an eyebrow. "Same ole, same ole."

"You see, it was a really hard fall. Just a few more details would be great." Dean continued, hoping Sam didn't think he was a shape  
shifter or something.

"I've been marathoning GoT. I have a history paper due in a few days...."

"History paper?" Dean asked in confusion. "Seriously? You're back in school?"

Sam looked frustrated. "You said you wanted me to go back. Besides it's just two classes a week and they're online."

"So we still hunt?" Dean demanded.

"Hunt?" Sam asked skeptically. "I help you on the weekends, yeah, but usually there's not much to do. Everything is quiet."

"What about all the demons we released from the Devil's gate, or the angels? Did we ever fight the Leviathans?"

Sam's face scrunched up into ultimate bitch mode. At least somethings never changed. "Are you on crack, Dean? We never released any demons. Angels probably aren't real. What the fuck are Leviathans?"

"Nothing of import." Dean told him quickly. "Angels aren't real, huh? Let's just keep it that way. What about Ruby or Lilith?"

"I have no idea who you are talking about. I'm gonna go finish my marathon." Sam said, obviously losing interest in this conversation.

Dean nodded, turning to go to his room when he thought of something. "Hey, have you heard from Bobby or Cas lately?"

"Bobby?" Sam asked, his eyes now showing signs of real concern. "Dean, Bobby's been dead for four years now. Got drunk and plowed in a tree, remember?"

Dean swallowed hard. Wasn't exactly going out with your boots, but at least Bobby was probably in Heaven. "Yeah, I - I don't know what I was thinking. What about Cas?"

"Cas?" Sam repeated in confusion. "Whose Cas?"

Bricks - no an anvil, crushed into his chest. Sam never died, Dean never went to Hell, Cas never saved him. Cas never had a reason to come to him. He wasn't sure how long he sat in silence, but by the time he looked up Sam was back on the couch, a bowl of chips in his lap and a beer in hand. Dean stumbled into his room, surprised to find it completely empty beside a bed and a few weapons. What the fuck had happened to his room? He stormed back out to the living room. "Where's my stuff?"

Sam didn't look up from the TV. "What stuff? You said you weren't going to waste your time decorating a place you'd probably be leaving in a week. Despite the fact that we've been here for almost four years..."

Dean was very frustrated. "I still have Baby right?"

"Baby?" Sam asked, causing Dean's heart to beat painfully fast. "Oh, the Impala? Of course, you do. It's the only thing you love. 'Course you wouldn't get rid of it."

Dean nodded, glad that something was okay in this new, slightly fucked up world. He made his way back to his room, slamming down on the bed. An extremely painful thought occurred to him. They never opened the Devil's gate meaning John never had a way to crawl out. He was still burning in Hell. Well, he could fix this. He would call Castiel's feathery ass, explain everything to him, have him save John then he could go back to being their trusty ole friend.

"Cas, hey, I know you don't know me but I know you. That sounds creepy." Dean admitted, but continued. "We're friends. Really good friends. I made a deal with Gabriel and I changed the time line. Fixed all the stuff I fucked up. Sorry, you'll get used to my cursing soon enough. So uh, could you zap on down here so we can chat or something?"

Nothing. 

Dean growled lightly. "Come on, Cas. Get your ass down here."

After a long moment of silence, Dean decided to give up. Cas was probably busy. That night he went to sleep and had the most traitorous dreams. Cas was naked above him, straddling his hips and inches away from his lips. Dean leaned forward, gripping the sides of the angel's face and just before he could bring their lips together, he woke up. 

He had dreams just like this over the next four weeks. He always woke up in a cold sweat with a horrible longing in his belly. He prayed to Cas six times a day, every day. Still nothing happened. Dean was beyond frustrated with everything. 

All they fucking did was sit inside while Sam watched TV and packed on pounds. Occasionally, Dean would find a hunt and drag Sam off, but even then he would just complain. He had really lost his motivation. After a particularly nasty fight, Sam locked himself in his room and Dean went out for a drive. He was pissed. Pissed at himself for being bored, when he should be happy, pissed at Sam for letting himself go and mostly pissed because Castiel wouldn't answer him!

That's when it happened. He had pulled into a family bar and grill, desperate for a drink when he literally ran into him. At first, Dean almost walked right passed then he took in the bright blue eyes and the messy, black hair and he let out a noise dangerously close to a squeak. "Cas!" he yelled, throwing his arm around the stranger. 

He was immediately pushed back. "Hey buddy, I think you're confused. My name is Jimmy."

"Jimmy?" Dean asked stupidly. But, of course. Cas never took over this vessel. Jimmy Novak was still alive and strolling around in Cas' body - well, that's how Dean saw it anyway. "Yeah, you're right too much to drink. Sorry."

"It's all good man." Jimmy said once, turning to leave but Dean did something really stupid. He grabbed his shoulders forcing the man to stare at him. He needed to see those blue eyes, even if they awkwardly fell to the ground instead of boring into his soul like usual. "Hey man..."

Dean let go then, storming back to his car. He sped down the street, with no destination in mind. He ended up in an empty parking, standing outside the Impala, staring up into the sky. "CAS! I know you can hear me! What the fuck, man? This is bullshit. How would I know who you are, huh? You're not exactly one of the most famous angels! We're friends. How can you just - disappear?" Dean asked weakly. "I miss you."

Then the most beautiful sound filled the air around him. Wings. Fucking, fluttering wings. Dean whirled around so fast he thought his neck was going to snap. There was Cas, wearing Jimmy's meat suit. He couldn't even begin to explain the happiness soaring through his veins. Without hesitation he wrapped his arms around Cas, pulling him in into a tight bear hug. "Damn, Cas. It's good to see you."

The angel was out of his grip and three feet away before he could even blink. "How do you know of me? I have not been to Earth in your life time." Cas asked in his robot voice, that Dean had worked so hard to break him out of.

"Sorry. You're right. We should do this all formal like. I'm Dean Winchester." Dean stuck out his hand. When Cas didn't shake it, he let it fall back to his side. "Man, we're gonna have to get you out of auto pilot again, aren't we? How you been, Cas? What's going on with you?"

"My name is Castiel. If you can't address me as so then I will no longer speak to you." the angel told him, looking like he could get smitey very soon.

Dean thought about laughing and making a joke, but this Cas was serious. "Alright, Castiel." he said dramatically, the name feeling foreign to his tongue. "We know each other in another world. Gabriel took me back in time so I could fix some crap I messed up. In doing that I erased the part where me and you are friends."

"Then I don't understand why you are calling me. In this world, we are not friends." Castiel remarked, and his tone was so uncaring that little ripples of pain actually danced through Dean's stomach.

"Cas..." Dean got another death stare, so he corrected himself. "Castiel, we're supposed to be friends. We have a profound bond, remember? Probably not, huh? But I do. We can just start over. Be friends now."

"I have no use for you as friend." Castiel told him seriously. "Do not pray to me again."

Then the angel was gone and Dean felt like he had been sucker punched in the heart. A world without Cas. He couldn't even begin to process that thought. He was always there for him, popping in the niche of time like Superman. You can't just live with Superman, and then suddenly wake up and have him gone. There's no way to adjust to that. Cas was his friend, his family - he was everything. 

This was the topic Dean never let himself bring up, just in case Cas could somehow read his mind. The feelings and the emotions just from seeing the stupid angel smile were enough to stop his heart from beating altogether. They had been to hell and back together - quite literally. He needed him more than he ever cared to admit. 

Dean wasn't sure when he begin yelling Gabriel's name, but after a few minutes of screeching the cocky bastard appeared, throwing him his best confused expression. "What's the problem-o, Dean? Everything alright?"

"Cas isn't...Cas!" Dean said dumbly. "He's a brainwashed angel again. I need you to fix him!"

"No can do." Gabriel said seriously. "Castiel had no business down here with you humans. He never rebelled, so he's still once of Heaven's most prized warriors."

"I can't live like this!" Dean spat out suddenly. "I can't fucking do it!"

"Like what?" Gabriel asked innocently.

"I can't live without purpose, or with my brother eating his life away on a couch, because he has no motivation. I can't live without..." he trailed off, unable to speak the next words.

Gabriel, however, needed to hear them. "Go on, Winchester."

"I can't - live without, Cas." Dean said grudgingly. "I need him. I've always needed him. He's the only reason I can even look myself in the mirror. Yeah, you may have deleted all the craptasticness I did from before, but I still remember it. I still dream of it, and I can't do it without..."

"Castiel." Gabriel finished, smiling widely. "So, why am I here, Dean?"

Dean decided not to beat around the bush. "I want to go back to my time. I can't live in this place anymore."

"Let me see if I got this, right?" Gabriel began. "You want your precious little brother to die? You want to burn in hell for 40 years and start the apocalypse? You want to sacrifice thousands of lives, and all because...you miss your angel loverboy?"

"Yes." Dean muttered, staring at his feet, facing burning with shame.

When he glanced up, he found Gabriel was beaming. "Perfect! I was wondering how long it'd take you to snap."

"What the fuck..."

Dean didn't have time to say anything, because the world around him was disappearing in a haze. He watched as his feet sunk in the melted ground, and all he could do was close his eyes and pray this was a bad dream. After a moment he heard a beautiful, raspy voice say, "Dean?"

He opened his eyes to see a blur of blue and a blur of flannel running toward him. Sam and Cas threw their arms around him, holding onto him tightly.

Sam pulled away first. "Dean, I've called you like a thousand times. Where have you been? It's nearly been a year. I'm not mad. I know it wasn't you..."

Cas was shaking his head in agreement. "Dean, that was very irresponsible of you. We worried -"

"Cas." Dean choked out. "It's you! Real you. And Sam! You're not fat and lazy! Guys, please tell me there are a bunch of horrible monsters on our radar that need to be ganked?"

Sam nodded, obviously confused. "Well, now that you mention it we are hunting a -"

"Gentleman."

All three of them turned to find Gabriel leering at them, a victorious smile on his face. Cas nodded. "Hello Gabriel."

Dean turned to his angel. "You knew he was back?"

"Yeah." Sam admitted sheepishly. "We sent him to check on you..."

"Check on me?" Dean asked incredulously. "He spent me to some bizarro universe."

"Did not." Gabriel shot back. "None of it was real."

"That was a fucking trick?" Dean asked angrily, stepping forward, but Castiel jumped in between them.

"What did you do, Gabriel?" Cas demanded. "We never told you to interact with him."

"Well, Castiel, I didn't want my little bro pining over someone who didn't deserve him. I had to make sure the feelings were mutual." Gabriel said with a smile, causing Castiel's cheeks to burn. 

Sam spoke up then. "What the hell is going on?"

"I made Dean think I spent him back in time, before you were ever killed by Jake. He stopped it from happening and it the end stopped the apocalypse and the falling of the angels, but he couldn't live the life because you weren't there." Gabriel said to Cas, who glanced up to Dean for confirmation. When the eldest Winchester remained silent, Gabriel continued. "Castiel rebelled from Heaven, killed his own people, died several times...all of that for you, Dean. This last year has been very hard on him, and I had to know if you would be willing to sacrifice for him and you did. Dean was willing to let his brother die, spend 40 years in hell, pretty much end the world....just for you, Castiel. Just because he couldn't live without you."

The room was painfully silent. Neither Cas or Dean looked up from their feet. Sam shuffled for a moment then ran his fingers through his hair. "I think I'm going to step outside. Fresh air." he muttered, grabbing tightly onto Gabriel's arm, forcing him to come along. 

Cas was the first to speak. "Is it true?"

Dean nodded once. "Yeah." he admitted, voice rough. 

"Why Dean?" Cas asked as he took a few steps toward the hunter. "Why would you sacrifice all of that for me?"

Dean's head felt like it weighed fifty pounds as he forced it up. Green eyes locked into blue. "I missed you, Cas. I can't live in a world where you aren't....where you aren't mine."

Castiel's eyes opened in surprise. "Dean..."

Dean knew it was time to stop beating around the bush. Seven years had passed since he met this infuriating angel, and he was better for it. If he could go to hell and fight Lucifer, then he sure as hell could tell Cas how he felt. He walked forward, catching Castiel's hand in his own. It was refreshingly warm. "I've been in love with you since the day in the barn. I didn't know it then, and once I realized it, I kinda freaked for a while. I don't care anymore. I love you and I need you."

Cas looked like someone had stolen all the air from the room. "Are you sure?" he half whispered.

Dean nodded once then closed the gap between them, pressing his rough lips against Castiel's soft, pink ones. They melted together, hands running across each others backs and lightly tugging on hair. Cas broke away to moan, "Dean."

Dean pulled back, eyes dilating. "Don't make those sounds just yet. Trying to stay in control here." he panted, cupping the angel's face and pressing his lips to his forehead.

"I love you too, Dean. Ever since I held your soul in my hand, I knew I loved you." Cas admitted, burying his head into Dean's shoulder.

The hunter wrapped his arms tightly around his angel, and they stood there for what seemed like an eternity before they heard a loud laugh, followed by a, "I told you so! Look!"

They both looked up to find Gabriel smiling and pointing, and Sam doing his best to tug him away, with an apologetic smile on his face. Dean growled, grabbing Cas' hand. He pulled him in his decorated room, surprised to find the bed messy. 

"Whose been sleeping in my bed?" Dean asked, ignoring the fact that he sounded like the grouchy bear from Goldilocks. 

"Me." Cas admitted quietly. "I don't sleep, exactly. I just lay there. It still smells like you..."

"I'm sorry I left. I couldn't stick around to see the mess I made." 

But Cas understood because he had been through it himself. "Don't apologize. Just don't leave again."

"I couldn't if I wanted to." Dean said, tugging him in for another kiss, before pulling him down into the mess of pillows and covers.


End file.
